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The notion of sexual equality is quite new in the West, and
because of this there is a certain rigid and fanatic adherence to the specific
way it should be practiced. In vajrayana Buddhism, on the other hand, there is a
tremendous appreciation of the female, as well as a strong emphasis on the
equality of all beings. This might not, however, be apparent to someone who
cannot see beyond a contemporary Western framework. As a result, when Western
women have sexual relationships with Tibetan lamas, some might be frustrated
when their culturally conditioned expectations are not met.
If
anyone thinks they could have a pleasing and equal lover in a Rinpoche, they
couldn't be more incorrect. Certain Rinpoches, those known as great teachers,
would by definition be the ultimate bad partner, from ego's point of view. If
one approaches such great masters with the intention of being gratified and
wishing for a relationship of sharing, mutual enjoyment etc., then not only from
ego's point of view, but even from a mundane point of view, such people would be
a bad choice. They probably will not bring you flowers or invite you out for
candlelit dinners.
Anyway, if someone goes to study under a
master with the intention to achieve enlightenment, one must presume that such a
student is ready to give up his or her ego. You don't go to India and study with
a venerable Tibetan master expecting him to behave according to your own
standards. It is unfair to ask someone to free you from delusion, and then
criticize him or her for going against your ego. I am not writing this out of
fear that if one doesn't defend Tibetan lamas or Buddhist teachers, they will
lose popularity. Despite a lot of effort to convince the world about the
pitfalls of the dharma and the defects of the teachers, there will still be a
lot of masochists who have the misfortune to appreciate the dharma and a crazy
abusing teacher who will make sure to mistreat every inch of ego. These poor
souls will eventually end up bereft of both ego and
confusion.
I know there are plenty of people who will disagree
with much of what I have said. For as much as I am set on my interpretations, so
are others set on theirs. I have met great teachers whom I admire enormously and
although I may be a doomed sycophant, I pray I will continue to enjoy the
company of these teachers. On the other hand, people may have other ideas and be
happy with them. My practice is devotion to the Buddhist path; others may chose
doubting the Buddhist path. But as Dharmakirti said, ultimately we must abandon
the path. So I hope in the end we will meet where we have nothing to fight
over.
Mind's ultimate nature, emptiness endowed with
vividness,
I was told is the real Buddha.
Recognizing this should help me
Not to be
stuck with thoughts of hierarchy.
Mind's ultimate nature, its
emptiness aspect,
I was told is the real
Dharma.
Recognizing this should help me
Not
to be stuck with thoughts of political correctness.
Mind's
ultimate nature, its vivid aspect,
I was told is the real
Sangha.
Recognizing this should help me
Not
to be stuck with thoughts of equal rights.
One cannot
disassociate emptiness from vividness.
This inseparability I
was told is the Guru.
Recognizing this should help me
Not to be stuck with depending on chauvinist
lamas.
This nature of mind has never been stained by duality,
This stainlessness I was told is the
deity.
Recognizing this should help me
Not
to be stuck with the categories of "gender" or "culture."
This
nature of mind is spontaneously present.
That spontaneity I
was told is the dakini aspect.
Recognizing this should help
me
Not to be stuck with fear of being sued.
—Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche is
a student of Khenpo Appey Rinpoche and is responsible for the education
of approximately 1,600 monks distributed between six monasteries and
institutes in Asia. He is the founder of several dharma centers in the
west and three nonprofit organizations: Siddhartha's Intent, Khyentse
Foundation and Lotus Outreach. He is the director of the films The Cup and Travellers & Magicians.
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