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Perhaps—especially if the reader happens to pick up both of these books. In The Mindful Way Through Anxiety, Orsillo
and Roemer painstakingly lay out the habits of mind that contribute to
our suffering. They also provide a compelling, evidence-based argument
for bringing mindfulness and self-compassion to these habits. The
authors illustrate each point with creative metaphors and clear,
relatable case studies that help the reader recognize that their
suffering is not so different from others’. The authors also anticipate
and address common questions, misconceptions, and reservations in
Q&A format throughout the book. The emphasis here is on insight, not
formal practice; the reader is encouraged to take the ideas, and the
approach of self-compassionate mindfulness, into everyday life.
Brantley
and Millstine aim more for the heart, using evocative, almost poetic
language to describe a new way of relating to oneself and others. They
skip the science and in-depth theory in favor of reflections and
meditation practices designed to inspire mindfulness and connection with
others. Whereas The Mindful Path Through Anxiety primarily illuminates the habits of mind that reinforce the experience of anxiety and depression, True Belonging
guides the body, mind, and heart toward a felt sense of connection and
acceptance. For example, the “We-ness” reflection invites readers to go
out into a public space when they are feeling lonely, and contemplate
the following:
While
you hold tender space for your loneliness, take a look around you and
notice other people who are nearby. Imagine at times that these people
feel alone, afraid, and disconnected. Imagine that they too want to feel
a sense of belonging and oneness as much as you do. There is a “we.”
You and those people that surround you are included in this “we.” We are
in it together. We belong to the same humanity; we share the same
emotions and desire to connect. We have much more in common than we
often acknowledge.
Take
this moment to offer a blessing to others: May you know that we are not
alone. May you know that we are linked in powerful emotional ways. May
you feel the “we” in this silent moment with me. May we feel it
together. While
this practice may be the last thing in the world a lonely person is
inclined to do, we can imagine that they would be uplifted by such a
compassionate meditation. Other
formal practices focus on gratitude, listening to others, reconnecting
with nature, mindful eating, and being of service. In this way, the two
books complement each other well, feeding not only the intellect, but
also the desire for daily inspiration. It’s
worth noting that both books are grounded not just in traditional
mindfulness practices, but also in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
(ACT), a relatively new approach to psychotherapy. ACT teaches clients
how to accept inner experiences — including anxiety and loneliness — without
necessarily buying into them or acting on them. Through mindfulness
practices and self-compassion, clients learn to open to their
experiences instead of trying to get rid of every upsetting thought or
feeling. Clients also identify important values and commit to actions
that are in line with those values. For example, the woman who is
terrified of parties commits to attending her brother’s wedding because
she values family—even though she knows anxiety will be part of the
experience. The man who is afraid of talking in meetings makes a plan to
speak up at least once in each weekly team review. He values making a
contribution through his work, and accepts that discomfort in meetings
is part of that process. In ACT, this is referred to as “willingness.”
As Orsillo and Roemer put it, “You do not need to be fearless to live;
you need only be courageous.” There
are numerous studies showing that participating in ACT—as well as
Mindfulness-Based Therapy, or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction
groups—can assist in the recovery from anxiety, depression,
addiction, and chronic pain. But in both one-on-one psychotherapy and
group programs, there is ample room for asking questions, sharing
observations, and experiencing human connection. What happens when these
ideas and practices are delivered through words on the page? When
readers are asked to greet their own suffering under the guidance
of—well, mostly themselves, and the very same mind they are
investigating? In
most Buddhist traditions, sangha, or supportive community, is
considered necessary for practice; in psychology, the therapeutic
relationship between psychologist and client is considered a key element
in any positive outcome. And there is no comparable scientific evidence
for the power of self-help and practicing alone. However, this lack of
evidence does not demand cynicism or skepticism toward the self-help
approach. In fact, self-help may be particularly well suited for anxiety
and loneliness. As anyone knows who has ever suffered from either of
them, the bar to picking up a book can be far lower than the
self-imposed barriers to joining a group or seeking therapy. As
the authors of these books point out again and again, it is
self-compassion that gives us the strength to face the most difficult
thoughts and emotions. It is not a coincidence that both books use the
language “befriending” to describe the process of mindfully meeting
anxiety and loneliness. To reconnect to common humanity and re-engage
with life, we may not need anything more than wise instruction on how to
be good friends to ourselves. And through the ideas and practices these
books provide, there is hope that we might realize: when we sit with
our own suffering, we are never sitting alone.
Health
psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., is the author of Yoga for Pain
Relief. She teaches the Compassion Cultivation Program at the Center for
Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University.
Click here to read Kelly's blog, "Heart & Mind" on Mindful.org.
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