|
Page 2 of 2 Having a fixation also includes the tendency of the mind to
embellish the desirable qualities of what you want, while ignoring the
“downside,” the undesirable aspects or the future consequences. By using
conscious awareness to break your fixation of attention, you can
separate wanting from getting. Imagine your child is being carried out
to sea by a strong undertow. You would not try to fight with the
undertow (the object) but would grab your child (your attention) and
pull her back to shore. If you practice becoming more aware of your
attention as an aspect of your mind that you can actually take charge of
and use as a support, you can notice when it has been kidnapped and
deliberately take it back. The breath-centered meditation practices,
such as shamatha, are very good for training your attention not to
wander. When you notice your mind has gone astray, has been “carried out
to sea,” you simply bring it back to the neutral object of attention,
in this case the breath.
Making Offerings Another
way of loosening fixation is to offer the object of your desire. I have
made it a practice to leave a small portion of food on my plate and I
mentally offer it at the end of the meal, saying something like “May all
beings have enough to eat.” I’ve noticed that this has several results.
First, it reduces my speedy and mindless eating tendencies. Second, it
makes every meal feel like a shared universal experience. Additionally,
when I actually offer the food I feel warmth in my heart, a momentary
radiance of compassion that both softens and uplifts my own state of
mind. By starting with our own mind, we can begin to reverse the craving
that often drives our behaviors. You
can do an offering practice with anything that has aroused your craving
state of mind. With food, setting aside a small portion before eating
as an offering will slow the speed and interrupt the habitual patterns
that often drive overeating. Offering this portion of food at the end of
the meal by placing it outside can signal that you are finished eating,
and prevent mindlessly continuing. When you notice craving arise while
shopping, you might wish that all beings have the warmth and comfort of
the cashmere sweater you crave, and actually open your hand in a gesture
of offering it to them. This can cause an actual shift in brain
activity from a narrow “me” focus to a more connected and empathic part
of the brain. Test this for yourself. Most people feel happier when
released from the “I want” state of mind into the more openhearted
feelings arising from kindness and generosity.
The
next time you find yourself “standing at the refrigerator door,” stop
and notice. What am I doing here? What do I feel in my chest, my heart?
Can I give it a name? Recognize your attention has gone in search of an
object for your wanting, has fixated on something external to try to
quell the pain of your longing and dissatisfaction. Bring your attention
back to simply being present with what you are experiencing. Sit down
for a moment and hold that feeling in compassion. Be fully present with
this wanting, as it is, with an open heart. Perhaps put a comforting
hand on your chest. Then you can offer whatever you are struggling with
by saying something like, “May everyone have the food they need, the
happiness they seek, and may they attain relief from the suffering of a
dissatisfied mind.”
Freeing
yourself from grasping can actually increase the pleasure you can
experience from the objects around you, whether you own them or not. You
can recognize attraction itself, and relax into it as an experience of
appreciation rather than of wanting. The object is all the more precious
if it is then let go, freeing you to continue experiencing your world
without getting stuck. Attraction is not a problem, trying to glue
yourself to the object of your attraction is where the pain arises. In
summary, there are three steps to reduce craving and lead a more
satisfying life: recognize the wanting mind; relax your fixated
attention; and offer the object of your desire — psychologically,
physically, or both. As individuals, we have the opportunity to redirect
the momentum of wanting into one of generosity and caring. This will go
a long way toward transforming your mind and relieving the intense
dissatisfaction that drives your craving.
Sasha
T. Loring is a psychotherapist and mindfulness retreat leader who has
been teaching meditation for more than thirty years. She is the author
of Eating with Fierce Kindness: A Mindful and Compassionate Guide for
Losing Weight.
|
